25 Funniest Two Line Jokes Ever To Get You Into The Weekend Mood

3 months ago

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The weekend is coming up, so you need to get distracted from the work routine. How about checking out the funniest jokes ever? In case you didn't know, the recent study revealed the best joke ever, so here it is: 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, no what?"

Believe it or not, this joke has been scientifically proved to be one of the best jokes ever. Luckily, there are plenty of two line jokes on the Internet to put a smile on your face. The Typical Student team picked the best jokes to brighten up your day, so tune in for some good fun.

 

#1

 

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

 

#2

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."

But John came fifth and won the toaster. 

 

#3

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I threw a boomerang a few years ago.

I now live in constant fear.

 

#4

My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort. 

 

#5

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

 

#6

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It's a shame they'll never meet.

 

#7

Someone stole my mood ring,

I don't know how I feel about that.

 

#8

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

 

#9

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

 

#10

funny-two-line-jokes-03

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, they're efficient and not very funny.

 

#11

You're not completely useless,

you can always serve as a bad example.

 

#12

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand,

I'm okay.

 

#13

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

 

#14

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says,

"Five beers, please."

 

#15

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Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.

You have my Word.

 

#16

I tried to catch fog yesterday,

Mist.

 

#17

Working in a mirror factory

is something I can totally

see myself doing. 

 

#18

"Just say NO to drugs!"

"Well, if I'm talking to my drugs...

I probably said yes"

 

#19

 

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How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

 

#20

What would The Jetsons be called if they were black?

The Jetsons, you fucking racist.

 

#21

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey.

 

#22

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

 

#23

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike

and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

 

#24

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest thinking hoping one would win,

but no pun in ten did.

 

#25

 

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We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.

Runs in our jeans. 

 

 

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Any questions or propositions?